Post by Pirates GM on Jul 13, 2017 7:50:24 GMT -5
This morning, Pirates' GM Jim Krug called a surprise press conference, before things went horribly awry. Here is the approximate transcript of this fateful conference...
Krug: This morning, the Pirates would like to announce the return of longtime Pirate Gio Gonzalez to the Rotation of Justice 3.0. This pending trade will send prospect Jaime Schultz to Anaheim, and be our 3rd trade for our annual deadline push to push this organization over the top.
(Sound of wowed applause)
Krug: I will now take your questions.
Dejan Kovacevic: Jim, would you say there was an "error in your ways" in allowing Gonzalez to leave in the first place? You seem to have a tendency to re-acquire players you trade away.
Krug: Dejan, first off, never ever use air quotes on me. Ever. We traded Gio away because we couldn't afford his CE. LA John gave us a great return as he always does. He's a peach to work with. LA is picking up Gio's 2017 contract, which is how we were able to bring him back.
Bill Brink: Jim, how do you respond to a recent NL Central GM's quote that "The Rotation of Justice has become the Rotation of Sissy Bullshit?" I mean, since you traded away Felix Hernandez to the Yankees, you only really have one dominant starter in Clayton Kershaw.
Krug: First off Bill, if you ever insult the Rotation of Justice again, you will never be allowed back in this room. Allow me to make that clear.
Bill Brink: (shrugs)
Krug: Secondly, the Pirates have replaced an upcoming Rotation of Justice dinner platter giveaway night with "The Bullpen of Fortitude" bobbleheads. That's what we're tentatively dubbing our bullpen, which is the best we've ever had. We have 5 dominant relievers with ERAs under 3.00. Nobody else has that. Everybody wants it. They can't have what we have. Bullpen of Fortitude. Write it down.
Linda Cohn: Jim, would you call this deadline comeback a testament to the fact that you needed to do something after your organization's humiliating 2016 NLCS loss after blowing a 3-0 series lead.
Krug: Linda, don't- don't call it a comeback, okay? Don't call it a comeback.
Linda Cohn: ...Well, do you think the prospect of Gio Gonzalez coming.........back to your team will infuse a laggard rotation that used to be this team's strength?
Krug: First of all, how do you continue to gain exclusive access to the Pirates' facilities, Linda? Secondly, all you did there was pause between the words 'come' and 'back.' Don't call it a comeback!
Gene Collier: Jim, give us an honest answer- is this team's comeback complete, or are there more trades ahead?
Krug: Don't call it a comeback! DON'T CALL IT A DAMN COMEBACK!
Bill Brink: We need security in here!
Linda Cohn: Oh my gosh! Krug just overturned the podium, and tore down the backdrop!
Krug: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Gene Collier: Oh shit! The podium is on fire! Krug just set the damn podium on fire!
Krug: DON'T CALL IT A DAMN COMEBACK! WE ARE TAKING THE WHOLE DAMN THING THIS YEAR! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK!!!
---end transcript---
Krug: This morning, the Pirates would like to announce the return of longtime Pirate Gio Gonzalez to the Rotation of Justice 3.0. This pending trade will send prospect Jaime Schultz to Anaheim, and be our 3rd trade for our annual deadline push to push this organization over the top.
(Sound of wowed applause)
Krug: I will now take your questions.
Dejan Kovacevic: Jim, would you say there was an "error in your ways" in allowing Gonzalez to leave in the first place? You seem to have a tendency to re-acquire players you trade away.
Krug: Dejan, first off, never ever use air quotes on me. Ever. We traded Gio away because we couldn't afford his CE. LA John gave us a great return as he always does. He's a peach to work with. LA is picking up Gio's 2017 contract, which is how we were able to bring him back.
Bill Brink: Jim, how do you respond to a recent NL Central GM's quote that "The Rotation of Justice has become the Rotation of Sissy Bullshit?" I mean, since you traded away Felix Hernandez to the Yankees, you only really have one dominant starter in Clayton Kershaw.
Krug: First off Bill, if you ever insult the Rotation of Justice again, you will never be allowed back in this room. Allow me to make that clear.
Bill Brink: (shrugs)
Krug: Secondly, the Pirates have replaced an upcoming Rotation of Justice dinner platter giveaway night with "The Bullpen of Fortitude" bobbleheads. That's what we're tentatively dubbing our bullpen, which is the best we've ever had. We have 5 dominant relievers with ERAs under 3.00. Nobody else has that. Everybody wants it. They can't have what we have. Bullpen of Fortitude. Write it down.
Linda Cohn: Jim, would you call this deadline comeback a testament to the fact that you needed to do something after your organization's humiliating 2016 NLCS loss after blowing a 3-0 series lead.
Krug: Linda, don't- don't call it a comeback, okay? Don't call it a comeback.
Linda Cohn: ...Well, do you think the prospect of Gio Gonzalez coming.........back to your team will infuse a laggard rotation that used to be this team's strength?
Krug: First of all, how do you continue to gain exclusive access to the Pirates' facilities, Linda? Secondly, all you did there was pause between the words 'come' and 'back.' Don't call it a comeback!
Gene Collier: Jim, give us an honest answer- is this team's comeback complete, or are there more trades ahead?
Krug: Don't call it a comeback! DON'T CALL IT A DAMN COMEBACK!
Bill Brink: We need security in here!
Linda Cohn: Oh my gosh! Krug just overturned the podium, and tore down the backdrop!
Krug: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Gene Collier: Oh shit! The podium is on fire! Krug just set the damn podium on fire!
Krug: DON'T CALL IT A DAMN COMEBACK! WE ARE TAKING THE WHOLE DAMN THING THIS YEAR! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK!!!
---end transcript---
